My Answer: Forgive aunt her sharp tongue at Christmas
Q: We’re debating whether or not to invite my aunt for Christmas dinner. We normally do, but last year she was so sharp-tongued and critical about everything that no one wants to be around her. We don’t want our Christmas spoiled. What should we do? — Mrs. P.F.
A: I can understand your dilemma. No one wants to be around someone who’s constantly complaining or making critical comments. The Bible says an undisciplined tongue “is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body” (James 3:6).
At the same time, I hope you’ll seriously consider including your aunt in your Christmas celebration again this year. Elsewhere, you mention that she’s alone and you seldom see her, so refusing to invite her will only add to her feelings of isolation and bitterness. (In fact, I can’t help but wonder if her situation has contributed to her negative attitude toward others.)
What can you do to keep her from spoiling your time together? First, pray for her. Pray that God will not only convict her of her critical spirit but help her turn from it and have instead a spirit of thankfulness and peace. Pray too for your attitude if your aunt does come, asking God to give you a genuine spirit of love and concern for her.
And if he opens the door and it seems helpful, quietly encourage her to be more positive in her comments. Our words can have surprising power. As the Bible says, “A gentle tongue can break a bone” (Proverbs 25:15).
Then think through your time together. For example, think of ways your aunt could be kept busy instead of simply sitting around talking. Most of all, make Christ the center of your time together. Complaining flees in Christ’s presence.
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Q: Our son is coming home from college this Christmas, and we’re kind of dreading it. He’s let us know he no longer believes in God and has no intention of going to church with us. We don’t want to spend the holidays arguing, but how should we react? — Mrs. K.W.K.
A: I suspect you’re already on the right track. Spending the holidays arguing not only would create conflict and tension, but it probably wouldn’t solve anything. The Bible wisely says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
Instead, ask God to help you be an example to your son of Christ’s love and concern. I think, for example, of Peter, one of Jesus’ closest disciples, who loudly claimed he’d never turn his back on Jesus, and then denied him three times.
But how did the other disciples treat Peter? They could have refused to have anything more to do with him, or they might have argued with him over what he’d done. Instead, they loved him and made him part of their group after Jesus’ death, and in time Jesus appeared to Peter and forgave him for his unbelief. (You can read about this in John 21.)
Does this mean you should just ignore your son’s opinions or act as if they aren’t important to you? No, of course not. But ask God to help you be good listeners and assure him of your love, while also expressing concern that he not be misled by the opinions of others.
You may not be able to answer all of his questions, but don’t let that worry you. Instead, pray for him and urge him to look at Christ as he is found in the Gospels. Unbelief fades in the light of Christ.
(Send your queries to “My Answer,” c/o Billy Graham, Billy Graham Evangelistic Assn., 1 Billy Graham Parkway, Charlotte, N.C., 28201; call 1-(877) 2-GRAHAM; or visit https://www.billygraham.org.)