My Answer: Be there, but give niece room in bad relationship
Q: My niece is trapped in a really bad relationship (not married, but living together). It has no future, but she refuses to see this. We’ve tried to tell her to get out of the relationship, but she just gets mad. How can we help her? — K.W.
A: When someone steadfastly refuses to listen to wise advice, there may be little we can do — humanly speaking — to help them. They may simply be stubborn or too proud to admit they’re wrong — or they may sincerely think they’re right and we’re wrong. Whatever the reason, they refuse to heed our warnings.
What can you do? First, let your niece know you love her and care about her — even if she doesn’t accept your advice. If your analysis of her situation is correct, eventually this relationship will end — perhaps painfully — and she’ll need your friendship.
You might offer to take her out to lunch and listen to her side of the story, not arguing but gently expressing your concern and letting her know you care. The Bible reminds us that there is “a time to be silent and a time to speak” (Ecclesiastes 3:7).
Then pray for her. God can do what we can’t do, and he can change even the most stubborn heart. Pray too that your niece will come to see not only the wrongness of what she’s done, but will also face her need for God’s forgiveness and guidance. Pray also for wisdom as you interact with her.
Finally, don’t give up on her. Even if your niece rebuffs you right now, your life is an example of how she should be living. She needs Christ, and God can use you to point her to his forgiveness and love.
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Q: People sometimes ask how my husband and I have stayed together for 40 years, since our personalities are so different. For example, I’m a detail person and he isn’t. Please encourage couples to stay together, even if they have differences. It can happen, with God’s help. — Mrs. S.A.
A: Thank you for your testimony; you and your husband vividly illustrate the old saying that opposites attract. It’s not always true, of course, but when it is, God certainly can help them overcome their differences and have a solid and happy marriage.
But this can be true of every marriage, even when the differences aren’t as great. After all, no marriage is completely free of conflict; no husband and wife agree completely about everything. My wife, Ruth, often said that if a husband and wife always agreed about everything, then one of them wasn’t necessary. God gave marriage to us, and he knew we need each other’s gifts and strengths.
I’ve often asked myself why so many marriages fail today. Many reasons could be given, of course, and tragically, not every marriage can be saved. But I’m convinced a major reason is we’ve given our young people a false view of love. All too often love is seen only as an emotion or physical attraction.
But true love — the kind of love God has for us — renounces selfishness and seeks instead to do what’s best for the other person. This can happen as we put ourselves into Christ’s hands and ask him to be the center of our lives — and our marriages.
The Bible says, “Love is patient, love is kind.... It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).
(Send your queries to “My Answer,” c/o Billy Graham, Billy Graham Evangelistic Assn., 1 Billy Graham Parkway, Charlotte, N.C., 28201; call 1-(877) 2-GRAHAM; or visit https://www.billygraham.org.)