Apodaca: Some kids are refreshingly unremarkable

Defiant nerdism has been with us for some time now.

Just look at the success of the long-running sitcom “The Big Bang Theory,” about a group of geeky geniuses who are lovably quirky, bad at sports and frequently relating stories about being harassed by the cool kids in high school.

We know they’ll get the last laugh some day when they prove string theory, invent time travel or succeed at some other Nobel Prize-worthy endeavor.

But there’s a different character on the show with whom some us can more easily relate. It’s Stuart, the bland art-school-major-turned-failed-comic-book-store owner.

He isn’t the least bit exceptional and considers life pretty sweet if he makes enough money to cover his rent.

The Stuarts of the world might be having a moment. Whether it’s of the 15-minute variety, or the start of a more-lasting trend remains to be seen. But for now at least, move aside nerdy brainiacs, it’s the ordinary guy’s turn.

It might have started with the 2012 high school commencement address by teacher David McCullough Jr., which became an Internet sensation with the admonishment to students, “You are not special.”

The speech was hardly an endorsement of mediocrity, but there are other signs that views are changing. Most notable is the pushback in recent years to what’s viewed as a malignant style of parenting characterized by unrealistic expectations, driving kids relentlessly with lessons and private coaches when they demonstrate a just a smidgen of talent, then overpraising children for minor accomplishments.

These obsessive, over-involved parents are misguided, many of us seem to agree, into thinking they’ve produced abundantly gifted offspring that they can then mold into perfect trophy kids destined for greatness.

Yet, try as we might to avoid such craziness, even the most level-headed among us seem unable to escape entirely from the competitive pressure to push our kids to stand out from the crowd.

Such thinking has undoubtedly rubbed off on our children. One of my neighbors, a terrific mom, told me recently that she was flabbergasted when her 12-year-old daughter began campaigning for ukulele lessons by arguing that they would look good on her college applications.

Yikes.

It’s no wonder that some observers are striking back and proclaiming that it’s OK to be average after all. In a recent Time Magazine piece, “In Praise of the Ordinary Child,” writer Jeffrey Kluger argues that kids have too long paid a steep price for their parents’ delusions and that we must reconsider what achievement really means.

He also ties into a “much larger conversation that needs to be had about just what higher education means and when it’s needed at all.”

In other words, some kids might become happier, more fulfilled and successful adults by skipping the pricey four-year college and opting instead for a two-year technical degree.

And we parents should not be disappointed when that’s the choice our kids make, if their decisions are well-reasoned and feel right to them.

In considering this issue, however, it’s worth examining whether we’ve also created a skewed definition of what it means to be average.

In my day, a “C” was considered an average grade, but at many schools today such a grade carries the taint of failure, as in “you’ll never get into (advanced placement/good college/post-graduate program) with that.”

As we’ve lowered the standard for what we consider exceptional talent in our kids, have we also raised the bar on what we deem to be sufficient levels of achievement?

Meanwhile, in our quest to reclaim some integrity for ordinariness, shouldn’t we also take care not to rob our kids of valuable lessons and activities that they could benefit from regardless of where those pursuits might lead them?

Sometimes parents sign up their kids for things just for the experience, not because they think their children will be superstars or they’re trying to manufacture a false spark of passion.

What’s needed is the message that it’s acceptable for a kid to try something and find it’s not a good fit, or try something and like it, even if he or she isn’t particularly good at it.

Kluger notes that the quest to give ordinary some respect isn’t a call for complacency. It’s an important point.

Hard work, ambition and competitiveness are hardwired into the American psyche. We would never dream of tossing aside the drive to succeed that we hold so dear.

But if we are truly entering an introspective stage about the way we’ve been raising our kids, perhaps it’s fitting that we also reevaluate what qualities like “exceptional” and “ordinary” really look like.

I’m reminded of something one of my sons once told me about how much it bothered him when people called him smart. He worked hard for his academic achievements, and they hadn’t always come easily, he said.

When people assumed his high scores were just a product of natural talent, he felt it diminished his effort.

His observation struck a chord. Perhaps it’s true that ordinary is becoming the new black, and we’ll all soon be boasting about our normal and refreshingly unremarkable kids.

But let’s not forget the one factor that can turn the ordinary into extraordinary: Trying really hard should never go out of fashion.

PATRICE APODACA is a former Newport-Mesa public school parent and former Los Angeles Times staff writer. She lives in Newport Beach.