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Carnett: Dislike California? You’re just jealous

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More than a decade ago my wife, Hedy, and I sat in the Rose Bowl with 100,000 others soaking up a sun-drenched New Year’s Day.

At kickoff, the sky was cerulean, the temperature 77 degrees. The breathtaking San Gabriel Mountains loomed over the stadium’s eastern rim in full view of a national television audience — many of whom were up to their keisters in snow and ice.

It was a glorious, Chamber of Commerce day.

The couple seated behind us hailed from Bangor, Maine. I know because I couldn’t avoid hearing their entire pre-game conversation. I was able to determine that they’d spent Christmas on Maui and were making a stop in Pasadena on their way back to the great frozen north.

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“Man, this weather is amazing,” said the husband to his wife. “It’s better than Hawaii. No humidity! I wonder if it’s always like this?”

I couldn’t resist.

“Oh, indeed,” I tossed over my shoulder, in full-smirk mode. “Always.”

“Really?”

“Oh, yeah,” I replied. “My wife and I go to Hawaii often. Hawaii’s nice, but this is better. Much better!”

Piling on, I know. My behavior was bordering on insufferable. Hedy gave me a shot to the ribs.

California regularly takes heat from Easterners. They’ve never been west of Indianapolis, yet they presume to be experts on the Golden State.

Hedy and I are frequent incognito East Coast visitors. We have family there, and when we visit I bedeck myself in Southeastern Conference or Atlantic Coast Conference gear. We hear tons of snarky California comments uttered by sapheaded bozos.

I prefer to view us as the prettiest girl at the beauty pageant, incurring the ire of the rest of the contestants because she’s so bloomin’ lovely.

We Californians may be “lovely,” but we’re routinely dissed for having a high crime rate, dry reservoirs, lousy air, dangerous earthquake faults, large potholes, vile devil winds and the oldest governor.

According to them, we’re one of America’s most over-taxed and under-served electorate, pyromaniacs of the first order who regularly torch our own forests and have in Sacramento a government that we richly deserve.

But do you know what this is really about? They’re jealous. Yep. They hate us because they envy us. Like my grandkids in North Carolina claim: “Ya’ll in California are sooo reeeich!”

We give that impression –- and the rest of the country buys it.

They need us more than we need them. Within our borders we have the mountains of Colorado, the deserts of New Mexico, the lakes of Minnesota, the coastline of New England, the beaches of Hawaii, the forests of Oregon, the ski slopes of Utah, the canyons of Arizona, the rivers of Alaska and the redwoods of ... ? Check that. No one in the world does giant sequoias like we do.

We’ve got it all –- and we’re gorgeous and generous to boot!

As much as Easterners love to trash-talk us, they can’t ignore us. Come Thursday, they’ll be in front of their flat screens, ogling us. Like the football lemmings that they are, they’ll scarf up chips and dip and copious amounts of carbonated beverages from aluminum cans while they watch Oregon defeat Florida State in the Rose Bowl.

And there’s also that flower parade.

They’ll ooh and aah at the blue skies, the emerald turf, the painted “rose” logo on the 50-yardline, and the stunning San Gabriels. And we’ll mumble, “Eat your hearts out you rank Cali-bashers!”

And, once again, we’ll go to bed thanking Pasadena for lifting our spirits.

JIM CARNETT, who lives in Costa Mesa, worked for Orange Coast College for 37 years.

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