Reel Critics: ‘Service’ with a goofy smile

Colin Firth, Michael Caine and Samuel L. Jackson team up for a rollicking good time in “Kingsman: The Secret Service.” It’s the sort of spy thriller with a sense of humor first pioneered by the early James Bond movies. But this new R-rated version is faster, funnier and more furious than any of Sean Connery’s work.

Based on the comic book series, the Kingsmen are members of a private security service funded by old English money. Their mission is to protect and serve the nation when the government is not free to act.

Athletic newcomer Taron Egerton plays a young recruit in training. He is mentored by Firth’s suave gentleman spy character. They join their crew to face off against an evil billionaire businessman played by Jackson. Many wild adventures follow as the adversaries make high-tech war on each other.

Modern special effects take a quantum leap over the low-tech stunts of the older films in this genre. The epic final battle goes on too long and enters overkill territory. But all that precedes it is high-octane fun with a razor-sharp wit.

—John Depko

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Please, Hollywood — no 51st

Like millions, I read the “50 Shades” trilogy that made E.L. James a zillionaire and spawned a line of erotic toys now available at Target. They’re stylish soft porn that makes kink palatable for the masses, and get sillier and sillier by the page.

“50 Shades of Grey” the movie starts out silly and has nowhere else to go. The story is about naïve college student Anastasia Steele, and what happens after she literally stumbles into the path of handsome uber-rich Christian Grey.

He stares, she stammers, and this goes on for maybe 15 minutes before she’s in his bed. After another five minutes or so of lame dialogue, the process repeats. And repeats.

As played by former Calvin Klein model Jamie Dornan, Mr. Grey is pretty enough but doesn’t have the smolder or swagger that’s needed. His character has a dark past (is there any other kind?) but refers to it as casually as if picking out a tie.

Dakota Johnson (also a former model) has the right look of a virginal beauty overwhelmed by sex, kinky eroticism and a stalkerish boyfriend. But unlike the books, the screenplay fails to give us any clue as to what she’s thinking. All that lip-biting is no substitute for acting. Still, the camera loves her face, and she seems very comfortable in her own skin — we certainly see a lot of it.

What was most shocking for me about “50 Shades of Grey” was the abrupt ending. It seems we will be subjected to at least one sequel to find out why any of this is worth our time or money. To paraphrase the book — my inner goddess was not amused.

—Susanne Perez

JOHN DEPKO is a retired senior investigator for the Orange County public defender’s office. He lives in Costa Mesa and works as a licensed private investigator. SUSANNE PEREZ lives in Costa Mesa and is an executive assistant for a company in Irvine.