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Reel Critics: ‘Big Year’ gets a big yawn

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“The Big Year” is a completely disposable comedy.

Steve Martin, Jack Black and Owen Wilson are A-list actors all known for potentially outrageous humor. But their talents are totally wasted here. They act out a screenplay so tepid it may be a new cure for insomnia.

The three men come from different walks of life. But they all share a passion for competitive bird watching. (Is there really such a thing?) They all decide to enter a contest to see who can spot the greatest number of different bird species in a single year. The task involves lots of travel to exotic locations on short notice.

This 365-day effort requires major adjustments in their relationships and jobs. But the consequences to them are skipped over so lightly they hardly register in the plot.

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Even the beautiful birds and stunning scenery take a back seat to the ultra bland storyline. This is a lackluster road buddy movie that will disappear from theaters very quickly. “The Big Year” is a big yawn.

*

‘The Thing’ is, this movie is bad

The thing with “The Thing” is, I don’t get directors who remake a movie classic, yet say they don’t want to mess with the original. So what’s the point, other than to make a buck?

The same goes for “Footloose.” If it ain’t broke, don’t remake it.

This version of John Carpenter’s 1982 gross-out classic (itself a remake) gives us nothing new or improved. An Antarctic research station again finds a giant alien and a spaceship buried in the ice. Guess no one thought to bring a video of the original 1951 Howard Hawks movie, or they would have known what was coming.

They lug Thing inside like a giant block of party ice. No sooner do the guys start singing like a beer commercial than bam! The beast has defrosted. Its function is to terrorize everyone and adopt their human form, complete with beards and chunky knitwear.

Even the dialogue is unoriginal: “What is it?” “I have a bad feeling about this,” and “What do we do now?”

The special effects aren’t scarier, there’s just more Things. For the price of your movie tickets, get a bag of frozen crab claws and sauce and watch ‘em thaw. That might even be more fun than this movie.

JOHN DEPKO is a retired senior investigator for the Orange County public defender’s office. He lives in Costa Mesa and works as a licensed private investigator.

SUSANNE PEREZ lives in Costa Mesa and is an executive assistant for a company in Irvine.

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